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Andreas Moritz: Backdoor Man

February 23, 2010

There are plenty of negative and judgmental things being said about Andreas Moritz on the net at the moment, and I don’t want to add to that. Instead, I want to give hope to those fans of Andreas who are prowling the internet and cutting and pasting testimonials all over the place.

Yes indeed trolls, just because you’ve just ordered that nice enema board you saw advertised by Skeptico, and have read up a bit and realised you’ve blown your cash, don’t worry! There is light at the end of the…um…tunnel. Here’s how to get  the best value from your unusual rectal activities…And remember folks, you read it here first, free of charge.

So here is the truth. New Age enemas – er, sorry, I mean colonic irrigation, or colon cleanses, or inserting water in your butt in a spiritual manner, is in fact not only useless as a health measure, it is dangerous and stupid.

Risks include:

perforation of the colon
infection from improperly cleaned instruments
electrolyte imbalances
fluid absorption and overload leading to heart failure

Clearly, these are significant risks and they outweigh the benefits, especially given that there are no health benefits.

But what the heck, it feels like it has benefits and you feel cleaner and you kinda like examining the contents of the toilet…It’s kinda fun…

So instead of refusing to look at the evidence, there is another way of dealing with the dreadful cost-benefit ratio. That is to increase the benefits.

That’s right. All you need to do is learn to consciously derive some sort of perverted anal satisfaction from this procedure. Not suggesting that this was the motivation all along….Not at all.

Related to this is Andreas Moritz’s great liver and gallbladder flush.

Liver and gall-bladder cleanses might just be the cure for all known diseases, or they might be the cure for absolutely no diseases at all. Let’s see.

Moritz seems to have “simplified” a process advocated or developed by the now dead, and thoroughly deservedly dead, deceased, and dead Hulda Clark, who died trying to heal herself with her own deadly nonsense, and is now dead. (I hope she died slowly enough to have time to fully reflect on how many others died because they trusted her deadly nonsense.)

But you’re not going to die are you. No, you are going to ingest half a cup of olive oil, a grapefruit or a few lemons, and 4 tsp of epsom salts and cleanse your liver and gall bladder, because….

Most adults living in the industrialized world, and especially those suffering a chronic illness such as heart disease, arthritis, MS, cancer, or diabetes, have hundreds if not thousands of gallstones (mainly clumps of hardened bile) blocking the bile ducts of their liver.

When this oily concoction passes through your digestive tract it will emerge, looking something like real gallstones – those same gallstones that cause all those horrid diseases, maybe.

Well ok, maybe not, but who cares? The satisfied New Age spiritual toilet-contents-examiner can then sift through their shit and photograph these evil-looking thingies which came out of them and feel a mixture of satisfaction and relief as they photograph them and publish the pics on one of the many dedicated websites. (Don’t ask for a link. Google it if you really must.)

Andreas Moritz is providing a unique service that narrow conservative science would never offer, and is spreading a wave of good vibes and toilet training activities for adventurous seekers of truth all over the world.

Testimonials can be cut and pasted in the in the comments section.

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