Useful Spiritual Teachings from Frank Zappa

August 26, 2017

Some readers, perhaps, have not heard of the great Frank Zappa. I have referenced him once already here, to contrast his teachings with some flaccid spiritual pabulum from Neale Donald Walsch. Zappa’s first musical creation, some time in the early 1960s, was a rock opera called I was a Teenage Maltshop, which was unfortunately never recorded. His first recorded performance led to him being arrested by the FBI. In 1963 he played the bicycle, after a useful lesson on how to play bicycle, on a popular TV show, to the bewilderment of the host. (If you watch the clip, the young Zappa seems far more relaxed and sensible than the hyperactive host.) He had only been playing bicycle for two weeks beforehand.

Zappa died, far too young, in 1992. In my opinion he was the only person who, had he lived, would have been capable of beating Trump in the 2016 US election.

He was one of the greatest percussionists of the modern age never to be recorded playing percussion, and certainly the greatest drummer ever to become one of the greatest guitarists ever to have started out as a drummer. He also opposed a movement to ban or censor “filth” in pop music, and would have taught today’s leftist free speech opponents a thing or two about giving idiots freedom of speech in order to show them up as idiots.

And here is a song that sums up at least half of the Dhammapada, and none of the Bible, and says everything that anyone who has access to other sources of good advice would ever need to hear.

It’s even clearer than Neale Donald Walsch’s

“You are an Individuation of Deity, a singularization of The Singularity, an aspect of Divinity. You are the Localized Expression of the Universal Presence… You are God… You are in the Realm of the Physical — what has also been called the Realm of the Relative…which is where Experiencing occurs.”

Or Deepak Chopra’s
“You are a holographic expression of the entire universe that is manifesting as a continuum of probability amplitudes for space/time events.”


It’s called You Are What You Is.

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don’t make ham
You ain’t what you’re not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An’ that’s all it ’tis

A foolish young man
From a middle class fam’ly
Started singin’ the blues
Cause he thought it was manly
Now he talks like the Kingfish
From Amos ‘n Andy
Holy mack’l dere — Holy mack’l dere!
He tells you that chitlins
Well, they taste just like candy
He thinks that he’s got
De whole thang down
From the Nivea Lotion
To de Royal Crown

Do you know what you are?
You are what you is
You is what you am
A cow don’t make ham
You ain’t what you’re not
So see what you got
You are what you is
An’ that’s all it ’tis

A foolish young man
Of the Negro Persuasion
Devoted his life
To become a caucasian
He stopped eating pork
He stopped eating greens
He traded his dashiki
For some Jordache Jeans
He learned to play golf
An’ he got a good score
Now he says to himself
I ain’t no n***** no more
I don’t understand you
Would you please speak more clearly

Who is who
I don’t know
‘N what is what
Somethin’ I just don’t know
‘N why is this
Tell me now
That’s a funny pronunciation if’n ever I heard one
If you don’t like
Where’d you get that word?
What you has got
Appropriot? The word is not
Drop it in the dirt
Drop it yeah
And let it rot
I can smell it now
Someone else
Here de come, here de come
Will surely come
I told you they was comin’
And pick it up
That’s right!
Cause he wants some
An’ he wants it for free
And when one day
There will come a day
You wonder who
I wonder too
You used to was
Who I was anyway
And what you do
I used to work at the post office
You’ll scratch your head
But I don’t wanna un-do my doo
And look around
Just to see what’s goin’ on
But what you lost
Can’t seem to find it
Will not be found
A Mercedes Benz

Do you know what you are?
I know
You are what you is
I’m the kinda guy
You is what you am
That ought to be drivin’
A cow don’t make a ham
A four-fifty SLC
You ain’t what you’re not
A big ol’ red one
So see what you got
With some golf clubs stickin’ out de trunk
You are what you is
I’m gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin’
An’ that’s all it is
Gimme a five-dollar bill
You are what you is
And an overcoat too
An’ that’s all it ’tis
Where’s my waitress? Yeah
You are what you is
Robbie, take me to Greek Town
An’ that’s all it ’tis
I’m harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband
You are what you is
I’m goin’ down to White Street, to the Mudd Club y’all
An’ that’s all it ’tis
I’m goin’ down ‘n work the wall ‘n work the floor
You are what you is
And work the pipe ‘n work the wall
An’ that’s all it ’tis


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